Did you really quack at the principal?

as promised, i’ve set up a list of activities to help combat the effects of drastic cabin fever.  having watched audrey for the last several months under the paranoid eye of her overbearing mother, we have been cooped up in this house for what seems like forever.  so naturally when the opportunity to join tall paul’s newly formed floor hockey team arose, i jumped on it.  only catch is, its part of the chicago sport and social club, my most hated of all social organizations.  more like a yuppie breeding institution.  but, sometimes if you can’t beat ’em, join ’em.  if anything it gives you a whole new perspective for mockery, from the inside.  my only terms for joining this league however were that if/when i was required to play goalie, i was allowed to wear a bathrobe.  no problem. 
 
well, tuesday night was our first game.  its a rag tag group consisting of several of tall paul’s friends, and if you haven’t met tall paul or his friends, they’re a blast.  a fun time with a hint of athleticism (in high school) and able to take the game litely.  which is good, because i think a total of about three people have played more than one game of floor hockey since grade school.  well, being the over confident asshole that i am, i decided to NOT read the rules until about an hour before the game.  you know the ones informing me that i must purchase protective eye wear, and o i don’t know…. a hockey stick.  so i ran out to dicks and picked up both on my way to the game.  i suckered mary into playing, assuming i would bring her a pair of shoes.  well, of course i forgot in my hastiness to dicks to bring the shoes.  but, in an effort to avoid being the very yuppie stereotype i fucking hate, i made every effort to dress the nerdiest i could.  being its the middle of winter and all, i haven’t shaved in a month+, so mesh shorts were out… or were they?  clearly not if they’re paired with knee high gym socks, and of course if i’m going to bringing my A game, i can’t have sweat dropping in my eyes, so i went with the richie tenenbaum greased hair to the forehead look.  very becoming, as well as a skin tight red crew neck sweatshirt with the ever popular phrase “i’m the one your mother warned you about” on the back.  but lo and behold, when i got there, i was not even the dorkiest looking player on our own team.  o no, there was a middle aged man VERY greasy (and smelly) wearing zebra zubaz ( http://zubaz.com/) and his high school era chicago blackhawks t-shirt.  and although i had the sweatband, he managed the same richie tenenbaum look with his rex-specs.  i did however one up him, when about half time i realized what the other team noticed when i stepped on the court.  that in my haste at dicks, picking out the raddest protective eye wear they had, i also picked up a lefty hockey stick.  now while i can deal with the initial embarassment of this tiny mishap, it reached a new level when i got my stick stuck on the ground while trying to shoot.  cheered on only by mary who refused to suit up and play in her moccasins, as an injury during play may severly affect her “medium level” ranking on guitar hero.  our only glory moment (and score for that matter) was when tall paul actually got the puck in the other team’s goal.  but this is only our first game, many great stories are to come from scrantoncity on quest to the top.  all we need to do is find a tiny skate shop owner named hans that will inspire gordon bombay to perfect and teach the flying v so we can take down coach rielly and the evil hawks.
 
i’ll keep you updated on the season, and post pictures when i get my camera back.   
 
-j

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Stand-Up Month is the BEST!

As many of you probably know this month is Stand-Up month on Comedy Central. Clearly the greatest month evers! Just the other day Lizzy and I stumbled upon one of my favorite comedians special on Comedy Central. Demetri Martin is a comedian from New York who previously wrote for Late Night with Conan O’Brien and The Daily Show with Jon Stewart. I first saw him on my favorite show, The Daily Show, with his special correspondents section on Trendspotting. His special that has been playing in “Demetri Martin. Person.” is pretty fantastic. He is a pretty funny guy, here is the first segment I saw him on that got me hooked and an exert from his special. Enjoy!

http://www.thedailyshow.com/video/index.jhtml?videoId=115059&title=trendspotting

http://www.comedycentral.com/motherload/index.jhtml?ml_video=80333

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Matt Costa

Matt CostaWhen Neil introduced me to Matt Costa, it reminded me of a poor man’s Jack Johnson (who I like, but I can really only take so much of that hippy ex-surfer rock at a time). He actually was a skateboarder that shattered his leg and started developing is music during rehabilitation. He was eventually signed by Jack Johnnson’s Brushfire records. He has a new cd called “Unfamiliar Faces” that I haven’t listened to yet, but have become enamored with the single “Mr. Pitiful.” Catchy piano that somehow reminds me of a Beatle’s song. Listen to some more at Hype Machine or click on the more button to see the video. (more…)

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Celine Dion Is fucking weird

Celine DionCan’t say whether I agree or not with this video’s statement that Celine Dion is fucking amazing, but I must say that her stock has risen in my book. The author of the video has more of the argument here, but I still can’t wrap my head around how someone who didn’t like Celine Dion in the first place would study and disect a two-disc dvd from her in order to make this video.  Though I am glad he did, its pretty funny. 

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Kelly’s Calculator Line-Up

calcs1.jpg

Due to my procrastination, I discovered tonight that I have to take a math placement test by tomorrow. As appalled as I am, the folks at community college might have a point because I haven’t taken a real math class since junior year of high school, 7 years ago. I came home from work with genuine intentions of studying, but first I needed to round up a calculator. I asked everyone and searched the house, and really this is all that my family could come up with: Raphael, a fake cell phone, crayons, a watch, or Mickey — quite the selection and not a real one in the bunch. I think it’s safe to say that the love for novelty items has spiraled out of control here when they have replaced even the most basic household tools and have taken over as standards in our home. I hope you all enjoy a glimpse of the craziness. Tomorrow I will be sporting Raphael, as he is the only one with a square root button.

PS Doesn’t it seem stupid that they would even make a Raphael calculator when clearly out of all the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Donatello loved technology and machines the most? Amateurs.

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