• Bawdy Art

    A recent game of ‘would you rather’ with Carrie triggered an internet voyage through the abyss of bad (awesome?) tattoos. And with what bountiful booty have I returned to share.

    nobody puts baby in a corner

    Speaking of bountiful booty, I chose the easiest point of departure for the onset of my journey: the tramp stamp. I found this to be disorienting territory with each vestige more puzzling than the last. But I persevered on to fairer blue
    waters (blue as this guy’s tattooed blue eyeball) where I happened upon a fascinating ( <– ok, seriously, if you only look at one of these look at this one) people who have developed innovative ways to interact with their physical terrain. I was taken by the extreme conditions that these tribal people face every day of their lives.

    Ok, so this is where my expedition took a change of course as I got WAY too into mugshots (apparently thesmokinggun.com will keep me ‘busy’ for hours.)

    As for ink, I came across a lot of these (seriously, who gets those?) There were also a few masterpieces I left out for the sake of our pre-adolescent bruceblog regulars. But if you’re interested and can figure out how to disable your netnanny, google image ‘homer simpson tattoo’ and ‘zen pretzel dragon tattoo.’ (You’re google filter should also be off.)

    And finally, were there a Bruce Blog ‘Eternal Regrets 2009’ prom, well… may I present your King and Queen.

  • Home of the Blues

    With the economic “depression” in full swing and talks of some ridiculous bailout plan I felt like cheering everyone up at least for a short while. So I stumbled across this website [and by stumbled I mean it was on Electra’s (Q101.1 radio station for the out of towners) ways to waste time at work]. It tickled me and hopefully will tickle everyone else.

    www.fmylife.com

  • New Hot Shit For Ya’ll To Vibe With

    dickdance.jpgUsing the excuse of being a dj for grade school dances, I like to occasionally listen to KissFM.  It’s a convenient excuse when your manhood’s in question for having C’est La Vie (or say levie when spelled/texted by a drunk Kelly) by B*Witched on your ipod.  Having just dj-ed a grade school father-daughter dance party last weekend, I thought it would be fun/appropriate to have a post about what the kids are listening to.

    Taylor Swift is by far the crowd favorite.  Every other request was for a different song by her.  You know when you are getting older when you and everyone around you has almost no clue who the fuck the best selling artist of previous year was.  “Isn’t she one of those American Idol girls?” “Shes gotta be one of those Disney Channel singers.” Nope.

    Other popular requests at a Catholic grade school dance include songs that aren’t appropriate at Catholic grade schools.  For a long time, songs like Big Butts and Shake ya Ass have not been able to be played at the schools for their obvious and raunchy lyrics while songs like Get Low and Crank That fly underneath the radar due to either being rapped too quickly for teachers to understand, using slang like “skeet skeet” or “superman that ho” (or “laffy taffy”) that no white person over 20 knows without internet research, or just that its the radio edit.  Some of the new songs obviously can’t be played even when you have the radio edit:  Ludacris has a song with the chorus saying “If I take one more drink, I’m gon’ end up fucking you.”  All American Rejects have a song with the chorus that goes “I hope it gives you hell” and says damn a lot. 3Oh!3 have a songs that are hilarious and raunchy yet aren’t popular enough to have radio edits for lyrics like “tell your boyfriend if he’s got beef, that I’m a vegetarian and I ain’t fucking scared of him.”

    Here are my favorites that were played at the recent dance:  Lady Gaga‘s Just Dance has been around for awhile and is now getting some other songs on her disc some radio play.  Good songs if you don’t mind bad lyrics.  Flo-Rida has a new song with some signer called Kesha (doing her best Katy Perry impression) that most kids don’t know is basically a cover.  I can’t decide if I like T.I. or not, but radio has played his songs so many times that I now find myself enjoying Whatever You Like and Live Your Life.  This stupid song by V.I.C. has been stuck in my head for whatever reason.  Lil Wayne can get annoying, can’t deny that he can be pretty clever with songs like Ms. Officer, A Milli, or La La.

  • ,

    Meat is Murder. Tasty, tasty murder.

    shhcago-meat.jpgDue to their name, I can’t imagine that Brazillian steakhouses are unique to Chicago.  I do know that they are popular in Chicago.  I’ve only been once, and it was somewhat of a religious experience at a place called Fogo de Chão.  Here is how it works: You start out with a salad bar stocked with everything you could possibly think of to eat on a salad bar.  Then they bring out a plate of potatoes, these fried bananas and your dinner plates.  Each person has a large coin on their table with red on one side and green on the other.  When the coin shows green, men come to you with huge skewers of meats.  Depending on if its dinner or lunch depends on how many different types of meat are circling the room at a time.  They come over and ask if you want their meat, how tender you want it, and how much.  The men do not stop coming till you turn over your coin.  The salad bar and the potatoes/bananas are always coming too, so you can get stuffed on that rather than the more expensive meat.  It’s pure magic really.

    It is a flat price, so you can eat all the meat you want, but that flat price is pretty high.  Worth it though, if you like meat.  I hope all this didn’t make Kelly sick.

  • Let’s Get High

    Cultural etiquette can be a tricky thing.   Gestural greetings are no exception and can differ greatly from culture to culture.  People in Thailand greet with the Wai, placing palms together, fingers pointing up, with the head slightly bowed.  The Chinese use a slight nod and bow of the head while Egyptians greet with a handshake followed by a touch on the elbow.  Botching any one of these can be embarrassing and even inadvertently insulting.  Which is why I always try to offer patience and assistance to those with a desire to adapt to the social norms of my culture.  Sometimes barriers of communication can be as simple as technique.  This leads me to the topic for todays post – my favorite platonic physical communication: the high five.

     high five   

    While personal style is a key element of an impressive mitt-hit, all too often is the attempt made to do the strut before the crawl.  Such a mistake can often sacrifice valuable thenar (palm muscle) contact, which is no good for anyone.   

    So at this point you may be wondering, “How DO I deliver a righteous fiver every time?”   

    The answer is simple really. Scope the ‘bow.  That’s right.  For consistent sonic booms that will make you wish you had a reason to keep on walking, keep your eye on the approaching elbow.  Never again will you suffer from disappointing babypats when you’re 178 gigaton up-highs are leaving cool-dust debris on the palms of their beneficiaries.  And when you’ve got enough cool that it exfoliates, you’re cryogenic.  So practice a few times on you’re little brother and when I see you, you know what I want.  Let’s do ‘dis like Brutus.   

    On a related note, look out for Gimme Five: History of a Handshake, “an independently produced video documentary examining the history and origin of the handshake a.k.a. daps, pounds, grips and soul shakes.”