Did you really quack at the principal?

January 18, 2008 5:11 pm Published by

as promised, i’ve set up a list of activities to help combat the effects of drastic cabin fever.  having watched audrey for the last several months under the paranoid eye of her overbearing mother, we have been cooped up in this house for what seems like forever.  so naturally when the opportunity to join tall paul’s newly formed floor hockey team arose, i jumped on it.  only catch is, its part of the chicago sport and social club, my most hated of all social organizations.  more like a yuppie breeding institution.  but, sometimes if you can’t beat ’em, join ’em.  if anything it gives you a whole new perspective for mockery, from the inside.  my only terms for joining this league however were that if/when i was required to play goalie, i was allowed to wear a bathrobe.  no problem. 
well, tuesday night was our first game.  its a rag tag group consisting of several of tall paul’s friends, and if you haven’t met tall paul or his friends, they’re a blast.  a fun time with a hint of athleticism (in high school) and able to take the game litely.  which is good, because i think a total of about three people have played more than one game of floor hockey since grade school.  well, being the over confident asshole that i am, i decided to NOT read the rules until about an hour before the game.  you know the ones informing me that i must purchase protective eye wear, and o i don’t know…. a hockey stick.  so i ran out to dicks and picked up both on my way to the game.  i suckered mary into playing, assuming i would bring her a pair of shoes.  well, of course i forgot in my hastiness to dicks to bring the shoes.  but, in an effort to avoid being the very yuppie stereotype i fucking hate, i made every effort to dress the nerdiest i could.  being its the middle of winter and all, i haven’t shaved in a month+, so mesh shorts were out… or were they?  clearly not if they’re paired with knee high gym socks, and of course if i’m going to bringing my A game, i can’t have sweat dropping in my eyes, so i went with the richie tenenbaum greased hair to the forehead look.  very becoming, as well as a skin tight red crew neck sweatshirt with the ever popular phrase “i’m the one your mother warned you about” on the back.  but lo and behold, when i got there, i was not even the dorkiest looking player on our own team.  o no, there was a middle aged man VERY greasy (and smelly) wearing zebra zubaz ( http://zubaz.com/) and his high school era chicago blackhawks t-shirt.  and although i had the sweatband, he managed the same richie tenenbaum look with his rex-specs.  i did however one up him, when about half time i realized what the other team noticed when i stepped on the court.  that in my haste at dicks, picking out the raddest protective eye wear they had, i also picked up a lefty hockey stick.  now while i can deal with the initial embarassment of this tiny mishap, it reached a new level when i got my stick stuck on the ground while trying to shoot.  cheered on only by mary who refused to suit up and play in her moccasins, as an injury during play may severly affect her “medium level” ranking on guitar hero.  our only glory moment (and score for that matter) was when tall paul actually got the puck in the other team’s goal.  but this is only our first game, many great stories are to come from scrantoncity on quest to the top.  all we need to do is find a tiny skate shop owner named hans that will inspire gordon bombay to perfect and teach the flying v so we can take down coach rielly and the evil hawks.
i’ll keep you updated on the season, and post pictures when i get my camera back.   

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This post was written by Joan

1 Comment

  • Kelly says:

    joan, your district 5 team sounds awesome.

    ps lots of people still own zubaz, not just creepy old men… and yes, you can borrow them anytime you like.