Wait For It To Drop

February 13, 2009 11:03 am Published by


shhcago-meat.jpgOnce, when I was away from Chicago, I was talking to some people that I thought were from the Chicagoland area.  I got very angry with them when they tried to argue that the best hot dog in Chicago was from Portillos.  It made me angry because what some people from the suburbs don’t realize is that the best hot dog in Chicago doesn’t come from a chain.  It isn’t even from a particular place.  The best hot dog comes from small mom-and-pop grills that have names like “Nicks,” “Clark Dogs,” Niagra” or “Johnny’s Uncle Jims,” and it is because they almost all serve Vienna Hot Dogs.  Most of those places get their meat, fries, etc. from the same places.

That being said, certain places do stand out.  One in particular is Suzies at Montrose and Elston.  There a few things that make this place awesome:

  1. They are open 24 hours.
  2. The amount of options available.  They will pair anything up with anything.  Have you ever thought of having a gyro burger?  They have and put it on the menu.
  3. Milkshakes.  Susies has a shit load of milkshake flavors.  I have never tried any because I promised I would get to the milkshakes after I tried everything on the food portion.  I’ve been going there for years and have not reached that day.
  4.  Edible Cheese Fry Bowls.  You know that bowl that usually holds  a taco salad that you can eat when your done?  Imagine that filled with fries and cheese.  If that isn’t enough, you can add meat like gyro or philly cheese steak with sour cream.
  5. Corn-Pols.  Corndogs with polish sausage instead of hot dog. Once, they tried telling me they didn’t have any ready so I didn’t get one.  Then a friend told me that they were just being lazy and didn’t want to get more out of the freezer; is was supposed to say “I’ll wait for one to drop.”  Sure enough, next time they told me they didn’t have any, I said the magic words and abracadabra, Brian is eating a corn-pol.
  6. This can be good or bad.   I sometimes question how unhealthy the food from Wendys or Taco Bell that is already made by the time I get to the window. Don’t get me wrong, Susies is not healthy food despite the picture of their sign brags about “zero trans-fat oil served here.”  But you know they start making your food when you order it.  It can be frustrating when the drive-thru line is four cars deep yet still takes 30 minutes to get through, but you are hungry for the food when you get it.
  7. The portions.  Last time I ordered a phily cheese steak sandwich, they asked me if I wanted the regular or the baby size.  Not wanting the woman at the window to think I was a pussy, I of course ordered the regular size, which is about the size of 6 month old baby.

I think I know what I am doing for lunch.

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This post was written by Brian


  • Nora says:

    This place is so delicious. Only to add to its aura is the fact that Suzie is a crazy bitch. She has personally kicked out the Rooney family for life for arguing with her about the menu. Along with the fact that you can order fries by the pound.

  • Joan says:

    o my god, brian, did you drive up to suzie’s for lunch today and take this picture on your fancy camera phone? what dedication! what wouldn’t you do in the name of the bruce? …nerd

  • Neil says:

    I’ll have to admit I found out about Susie’s late in the game but I can’t describe how it still amaze me, I think it would take a year to get through the whole menu.

  • Brian says:

    I took the picture a year ago when they put up that goofy sign. This is why God invented camera phones: so that one day people other than me can appreciate how funny it was that the greasiest place on earth is trying to rep itself as somewhat healthier.

  • Brian says:

    Joan, you realize that all your comments on TheBruce accuse someone of being a nerd? If this were a L&O SVU, B.D. Wong might say you are a repressed nerd yourself.

  • Kevin says:

    What everyone failed to mention about Suzie’s is that through a cousin, some of us has had the pleasure of meeting (charlie), when you pass out in the parking lot because the line is too long at 5 a.m. there is always the kind prostitute to knock on your window and wake you up so you don’t miss work or proposition you for a 10.00 bj so she too can eat at Suzie’s. And Joan B.D. Wong would so call you out.

  • kelly says:

    b.travs — you’re a horrible neighborhood friend, why have i never been here? though i’m not blood-thirsty, i clearly love milkshakes.

    i will trade you one cheese fry bowl crusade for an expedition to get the onion ring brick that i bragged about all summer — deal?